Understanding Resilience
Resilience holds a unique meaning for each of us. It can manifest as a sense of determination during crises, growing stronger and wiser while facing the eye of the storm. Resilience is a quiet courage that allows us to carry on with our duties, mobilizing all our mental, physical, and emotional resources.
For many experts, resilience is defined as the ability to withstand and recover from adversity, making it especially relevant in the field of psychotherapy. I specialize in treating anxiety, burnout, and complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD). My aim is to improve treatment outcomes and focus on preventive measures to reduce mental distress.
In my view, building resilience consciously can greatly reduce the impact and symptoms of anxiety and CPTSD.
The Process of Building Resilience
Research shows that resilience develops over time. It’s a process that eventually leads to growth and a deeper sense of personal meaning in life. This growth often emerges after significant emotional pain—we become resilient to or from something.
Resilience is also influenced by shared and personal responsibility, and by the community and resources around us. Our adaptability to stress depends not only on our inner resilience but also on external resources: family, friends, culture, faith, society, and governance.
The Pillars of Resilience
Southwick, Charney, and DePierro outline key pillars of resilience:
- Developing an optimistic but realistic outlook
- Confronting fears ("name it to tame it")
- Seeking, accepting, and providing social support—no one is an island
- Learning from resilient role models—those with proven integrity, not just social media celebrities
- Having a strong inner moral compass (known as an "internal locus of evaluation"), promoting self-worth and self-respect
- Faith or spiritual practice
- Regular attention to health and well-being
- Curiosity and commitment to learning—actively engaging in growth
- Mental flexibility—approaching challenges with adaptability and, when needed, acceptance
- Finding meaning and growth through challenges and trauma
Practicing Resilience
Facing our fears enables us to learn and practice strategies to tolerate and process fear effectively. Repetition is crucial to building resilience, as it fosters automatic responses—a fundamental principle of neuroplasticity.
Building resilience requires the same persistence and dedication as excelling in sports or a fitness routine. Traits cultivated in athletics—perseverance, concentration, commitment, and a tolerance for discomfort—are equally valuable in developing resilience.
It’s important to recognize that no one can be resilient in every area of life at all times. Self-compassion is essential to both healing trauma and building a resilient self.
Recognizing Your Strengths
We each have unique "signature strengths" (Peterson and Seligman, 2004)—traits and abilities in which we naturally excel. It’s also important to acknowledge that we cannot be excellent at everything.
Building Your Resilience Toolbox
One effective technique for building resilience is positive reappraisal. Whether working with a therapist or on your own, maintaining an internal dialogue or questioning your thoughts can help broaden your perspective. Some useful questions include:
- Is there another way of looking at this situation?
- Will this situation matter in a month, or five years?
- What would I tell a friend going through this?
- Am I holding myself to unrealistic standards?
- Are my assumptions or judgments accurate?
- What’s the worst-case scenario?
- Where’s the evidence?
Acceptance and Gratitude
Many faith traditions emphasize acceptance as a path to reducing suffering. Clinging too tightly to emotions, thoughts, or memories can amplify pain. A useful exercise is to visualize your thoughts as “leaves on a stream,” observing them, acknowledging them, and allowing them to float away.
Gratitude is another powerful tool for resilience. Dr. Robert Emmons suggests spending 15 minutes each day writing about people or things in your life for which you are grateful. This practice reinforces a sense of safety, calm, kindness, and hope.
Flexibility in Resilience
Recent research suggests that successful adaptation relies on agility and flexibility. At times, it’s better to accept a situation; at others, it’s necessary to change it.
Therapy aims to build self-compassion, countering trauma’s impact of detachment and shame-based views. Trauma imposes limitations, but cultivating mental flexibility is liberating. It gives a sense of freedom, choice, and control.
The Resilience Formula
The process of building resilience is simple yet profound:
- Try your best
- Fail
- Rest
- Try again
In each stage—trying, failing, resting, reflecting, and trying again—it’s vital to treat yourself with kindness and self-compassion.
Emotional Flexibility
Emotion researchers highlight that no one coping strategy works best in all situations. What aids resilience is the flexibility to express or suppress emotions as needed. This emotional agility can be strengthened through insight, awareness, patience, and regular practice.